i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
