Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
