now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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