The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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