so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
