I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
