ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
