Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
