Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
