So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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