Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
