I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
