vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
