my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
