Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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