There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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