I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
