I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hippo gnu deer
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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