I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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