No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
