I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
