sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
