covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
