i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i out mim tonsoeep
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