i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
