Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
