guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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