make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
