birth control should be required to get into college
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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