My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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