So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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