your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
