A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
