that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
