The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
