he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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