went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
