My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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