i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
