Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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