Someone shit on the floor
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
