My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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