There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
