I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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