Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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