You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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