chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love you. Go after that dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
