I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
