why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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