Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
